Today marks half a decade since you left us. I feel like I’ll never get used to it.
I didn’t realise when I said goodbye to you, to leave for Manchester would be forever. The night before I had such a horrid feeling deep in my stomach. I couldn’t settle I felt sick. Mum rang you when we sat down to eat and you were fine. You wished us an amazing night and that was that.
What followed after that was awful. The 16th of March Mum rang you but there was no answer. We put it down to it being early and you could still be asleep. Went to breakfast and mum tried you again and once again the same result. We got more concerned and we just decided to get new train tickets and go home. The train ride home was the longest journey of my life. A 40-minute journey felt like hours. Half of me prepared myself for what happened next, although I don’t think anything would ever prepare me for the moment we got home.
The rest of the day was a blur, everyone was trying to be so comforting but I didn’t want to be near anyone. No one understood that I’d just lost my favourite person on earth.
Grandad you’ve left such a massive hole in my life.
Nothing got easier, as time, as gone on I, celebrated my 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th and nearly my 21st without you. I went to prom and finished high school. Went to college, passed my driving test. Went to uni and I’m only 3 months from finishing, with so much more in between. Everything I wanted you to be there for you haven’t.
You were so much more than just my grandad. You were my role model, my best friend, a shoulder to cry on and so much more.
I feel guilty as through my grief I was so angry with you. I was angry that you had left me. I was angry we were too late to save you. I was angry with myself that I didn’t come into you at the chapel of rest to say goodbye. I didn’t want the last time I saw you to not be you. Although looking back I have so much to say.
Nothing has been the same since you left us. I’d give anything to be able to speak to you for one final time, for one last hug, to tell you I love you ever so much.
Thank you for raising me to be the woman I am today, I don’t know where I’d be without the support you gave me and I hope you’d be proud of everything I’ve achieved.
Until we meet again,